Morning Page #1,256,672: Dreams and Doors

Morning page OH Morning Page, I'm closing in on another age. I'll try to close more doors to wars I wage. "The highway sets the travelers stage." The holidays are comin. It will be FEBRUARY before you know it. Thanksgiving, Jill & Anthony's wedding, My Birthday, I'm going ARCHIE GRIFFIN on ya this year. (See if you can figure that one out) Colleen's Birthday... Colleens graduation, Christmas, New Years, Super Bowl.... FEBRUARY. Headed up to Berkeley for Thanksgiving. Berkeley is a beautiful place to be for Thanksgiving. Taking the puppies with us. That should be interesting. They havent been up there before. Hopefully they wont bark at everybody. Actually they probably WILL bark at everybody. The key is to get them to calm down and get ACQUAINTED with everybody and become cordial and gracious guests. Thats going to take a lot of bully sticks, cow ears, beek knee caps and venison jerky strips. Yep, you can get a cows knee caps. You can bull penis. You can buy a pigs SNOUT. They make use of pretty much EVERY part of the cow or pig these days. Not much goes to waste. Considering you can turn all sorts of cow parts into dog treats, there's money to be made. You can buy a dried out TRACHEA for gosh sakes. The puppies LOVE that stuff. Puppies gonna come home fat & spoiled (and still barking at everybody). I had a dream last night that the puppies were chasing mice around the house. We werent actually in our place or in Kristens parents place. We were someplace else. But it seemed like it was where we lived... in the dream. Mitchell caught one and I remember wondering if I should just let him have the mouse. Kill it and eat it. Get in touch with his wild side. But then I figured he probably wouldnt kill it OR eat it. He would juts play with it or if he DID try to eat it... imagine the MESS he would make. Then he would come over and want to play and hug and kiss with mouse blood and guts all over his face. YUM. Happy Thanksgiving. I had a dream a few nights ago and someone in the dream pulled a gun on me. Kristen and I were in some city we've never been to and we were trying to find our way to something. Dont remember. Could have been a restaurant, a landmark... something. We saw a group of people heading together in a certain direction so we assumed that follwing the crowd would take us there. Little by little the crowd splintered off and we found ourselves following one guy. Following that guy took us through a sketchy part of town. We kept following him, for some reason, until we were REALLY off-roading, urban-decay style. We finally gave up on the follow-that-guy strategy and decided to back track from whence we came. At that point, in the dream, for some reason, I had to step away from Kristen. Maybe I was walking into a store to ask for directions, maybe I had to pee. I got maybe 50 yards away from her. She and I were still talking to each other as I got further and fiurther away. I sadi something from afar that we both laughed at. At that point I noticed that there was this guy nearby, about my height, wearing jeans and a hoodie with the hood up. He laughed at my joke. Just in an innocent bystander who happened to overhear something amusing. He didnt crack up. he just sort of chuckled. Funny how that can throw you off. Someone laughs at your joke at you automatically think they're friendly. I looked back at Kristen as she stood down the street waiting for me and when I turned back, this guy was much closer to me. He was closer to me to but he was oddly positioning his body so his back was to me and I couldnt see his face. He took another weird step backwards in my direction and then I started feeling like somehting was wrong. I decided to bail on whatever I was doing and get back over to Kristen and get the hell out of there. Somehow, this guy had angled himself on me just enough that he was able to stand between Kristen and myself. So when I took a few steps in her direction... and not necessarily in HIS direction, but sort of, he pulled out a pistol. A big one. Could have been a 9MM... and held it up, pointing it at me. Thats when I woke up. I dont know how I would have reacted. I had no reaction in the dream. The dream ended there. But I was amazed at how clear and REAL it all felt. I'm also surprised by all the details I can remember. Especially the behavior of this mysterious street person. Why did I dream that? I feel like ever since the puppies and I got attacked my thoughts or often consumed by fragility of life and circumstance. How bad things can happen in the blink of an eye and we are rarely ever prepared. Even if we think we are. That might be part of it. I felt a lot of guilt over that incident. I felt like I could have dome more to protect the puppies. A more optimistic way of looking at it would be to recognize that I DID protect them. That Whitney managed to walk away with only a broken rib and that we all survived, nobody got hit by an oncoming car and right now, if you met Mitchell & Whitney, you never know if ever happened. But I'm a protector, so I put tit all on myself. Ive alway been a protector. I wathed over my little brother when we were growing up. I was always ready to go after anyone that messed with him. Every kid in school knew that. I think that concept multiplied when my Dad moved out and my parents separated. I was moved to protect my little Brother AND my Mother. When I was 14 I had a standoff with a man my Mother was dating because I didnt like the way he treated her... I didnt like the way he treated us. That relationship soon ended. Then she met Bob... and all was right with the world. I'm still very very protective. I cant stand the idea of anyone being unfair, impolite or inconsiderate to Kristen. Even her parents or Colleen. Probably to a fault because I've expressed my distaste in that regard to a handful of people after certain stuations have occurred and evolved and maybe I should have chilled out. But she comes first. I want her to be happy. I want to protect her. I want to protect them. like Ive always wanted to protect anyone that I love. The thought of my Wife be treated unfairly and taken advantage of... in any situation... anywhere... even in a professional environment... makes the hair on my neck stand up and my eyes glow red. Anyway, that's quite a flow of introspection there... but I think those are some of the elements of me and my life and my love for my wife... and my family.... all of them.... nieces and nephews and puppies included.... that may have contributed to that dream. Signing off.


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